Thenk (thenk) wrote,

painful death

im scared. i feel like im dying. i just wish i was inlove. i wish i had someone to explore someone hand to hold. i think thats why i get so attached so fast. maybe is because my heart is desperate for what little love i had. im not infatuated with love. i just wanted to be loved. i know im loved by my mom by my dad. but i want to be loved by someone. i want someone to explore me. see what im worth. but i dont know. i want things to fast and i have no patience. sometimes im scared to get close to someone know im going to get rejected. my heart is crying for someone to explore someone to depend on. but the harsh reality is...its not going to happen yet. i have to wait. i have to be patient. but i dont want to be patient i want someone now. im sounding desperate now i know its silly. right now my heart is beating 50times thicker and 50 times slower. im heart is crying for that someone. i fear that next helping hand, will help me to sorrow and anguish. im going to explode i just feel so alone. so so alone. i need to rip my heart out of my chest cuz it hurts so much. i wish things would of gone right the first time around but it seems as though it wasnt meant to be. why cant i just have back what i felt back then. anything i would do to have that feeling again. i think if i do find someone true someone deserving ill be happy. i wanna hold her hand... i want to kiss her and fall in tranquility. i want to want thoughts of endless bliss. but i dont know her. shes within arms length but am i within her arms length. this is all to soon this is all to scary i just wanna hide. i just wanna cry. im scared. i feel like im dying. goodnight
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